Tired of Being Asked The Same Relationship Questions
Get a cup of coffee or some snacks it’s gonna be an entertaining read. Currently biting my nails as I write this…But here we go! The One Relationship Question Every Girl (Mostly) in Family Occasions Is Sick Of. And. Tries. To. Avoid. Every. Single. Time.
“The Relationship Question”
I think most girls can relate to this. You’re sitting there on the couch in some family get-to-together – minding your own business – when someone, maybe your aunt or grandma, anyone approaches you.
“You’re so beautiful,” They smile. You smile and respond with thank you.
But then. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
They grin and nodge your shoulder. Haha…you fake smile.
“No. No, I don’t.”
First of all,
Before I get into all the main content of this post, let me elaborate why I was hesitant about writing this. You know, I’m your typical Asian girl from your typical Asian family. And as most Asian girls can relate, I get asked about boys all the time. It’s always boys, boys, boys with me. Believe me when I say there has been conflict because I always try to express my feelings of annoyance when I do get asked about boys.
But Mom, Dad, Brothers, Grandparents, Cousins, Cats, Sheeps, my Family…I love y’all. *pupils nervously shaking*
I mean, there is nothing wrong with boys. Most boys are chill and cool, the ones I have met at least. But it’s not like I look at every boy like some potential boyfriend or husband or whatever. I am not living every single day of my life thinking about my future significant other.
Growing up, I watched every single Barbie and Disney Princess movie. Most of them made some boy or prince a huge or at least a prominent side-part of the girl’s life. Naturally, I dreamed of that. You know…finding my prince and then living a happy life (I just cringed so hard but anyways). Consequently, I grew up as a very easy-loving girl. Every boy that I have had a crush on (I only had four so), I could never keep myself in control as funny as that sounds. I was the most stereotypical little girl with all my crushes; everything you’ve heard that girls do when they like someone, I probably did everything on the list.
I even made a fool of myself just to get the boy’s attention. And at some point in my middle-school life,
I thought, “No more.”
I deserve better than this. I deserve better than to only make myself pretty because of some guy. I deserve better than to wake up because I want to meet this guy. I deserve better than to make a fool out of myself just because of this one person who won’t even acknowledge me. I deserve better.
After that period of my life, I have become so much more confident of who I am. I dress for me, I wake up to pursue my dreams, and if I do make a fool out of myself? Guess what? It’s because of and for myself. I am so much more than just who I like and who I might or might not be dating, whatever. There’s so many more question you could ask me than, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
The funny thing is…I’m still in high school and my family discusses about my wedding and husband. It’s not like they’re forcing a husband for me, they’re all about “find the one you love” but still. Instead of asking pointless questions, why not ask about us as individuals in the meantime? I mean that one question literally only has two answers: yes or no. That’s boring. There are so many more things that they can ask us about that we could go on and on explaining or describing. Things that are more than just a yes or no.
I just have pride and love for myself.
I think that’s the reason for all of this. I could talk to you about my fascination with physics and chemistry or maybe about my love for writing. I could go on and on about healthy eating and the importance of passion in someone’s life. We could discuss fashion and the different styles that exist. There is just so much more that someone could ask me than just the plain, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
I think everyone who reads my blog knows that there are always exceptions. If you’re a girl and you love getting asked this question, then good for you. You go, girl. I have nothing against you. It’s so cool that you want to express your like for your crush or love for your boyfriend, whatever the case is.
The excuse is always that it was a joke or just a “fun-conversation starter” and this is why I always let out a sigh of disappointment. Why is this question just for fun? Why couldn’t we make a more meaningful question be “just-for-fun”? Why, out of all the things girls could be asked, was this one the most easy to start out with?
Everytime I follow my family to a friend’s house for some baby congratulation party, I slowly try to avoid everyone because, if not…”When will you get married?”
Of course, I have my manners. I smile but inside, my heart drops. That question was asked candidly and without any sort of bad intention. I know. But at that point, all they were trying to do is bring me into the conversation. But why with that question? Why must it be about something that never crosses my mind, like ever? What about where I want to apply for college? Maybe ask what I want to be in the future? Why is it so hard to ask something I would love to talk about than to ask about something I don’t know how to respond to?
The frustrating thing is…
What frustrates me the most is that no matter how uncomfortable my friends and I, us girls, react to these types of questions, no one seems to stop. No one seems to understand that we don’t like it. They tell us that there’s something wrong with us for not wanting to discuss about boys, they tell us we’ve been too influenced by others to feel so independent. But why is it so wrong to feel confident in being alone? Why is it so wrong to not want to think about marriage yet?
I’m a young soul. Right now, I am only thinking about the places or things I want to do, be, go to, and experience. I want to be something in this world. I want to go places to learn and explore for myself. My life isn’t dictated by finding a guy, I am not living to find a guy. But questions like this, makes it seem like I am.
When the time comes, when Allah gives me some partner, then I’ll accept it. But right now? A guy is out of the chart on the list of things I’m thinking about.
Before I ramble on about the same thing and to finish this post, I would like to end it with a little summary. And in addition, a list of things you could girls instead of relationship-type questions especially when they don’t want to be asked them.
We girls have so much more to be asked about than just boys. There are so many stories that we could tell, so much knowledge we would love to share, and so many things we actually want to talk about. It’s not so hard to appreciate that we have other things we think about and have passion for. It’s not so hard to let us be confident about who we are individually. Stop making questions about relationships be the first thing that comes into your mind as a conversation starter.
There are so many things out there you could ask and if you need ideas, here is a plentiful list of things to ask us about instead:
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- What did you do that you are the most proud of this semester/school year/year?
- If you could cook anything, what meal would you cook?
- What is a life lesson that you learned most recently?
- If you could turn back time to your childhood, what would you do differently?
- What are some of those Instagram-worthy places that you would want to visit yourself?
- If you could only wear one color, what color would it be and why?