Putting out content is hard. Whether it’s writing or video editing, it’s hard and takes a lot of time. This blogpost is just about my thoughts of starting all of this— of becoming a “blogger” and a “youtuber”. I mean they can mean different things to different people who start their own blog or youtube channel. And this is where I share my meaning.
Let’s start with the YouTube side of things, I feel that it’s easier and quicker to talk about. My Youtube was purely as a complimentary to my blog- is that even the right word? But anyway, writing about every single thing is a pain. When it’s much more entertaining and understandable to just record it, then it goes on my Youtube.
But see. It’s not that easy because I am THAT person who thinks so hard about why I’m releasing something, what is its purpose. Slowly, I have realized that not everything I put out has to be all deep, beautiful, and heart-opening(???). Sometimes a little bit of fun is needed. For some time, I was not happy about the videos I put out but I kept on going because it was fun for me.
On top of that, in front of the camera, I am not good at talking about serious things (if you know what I mean). As in, I am better at writing my “deep” thoughts down instead. I’ll try to better myself that one day, I can release a truly meaningful video that comes out of my own mouth instead of typed out words.
In honesty, I actually filmed a video of me doing the “Perfect Imperfection Tag”. This is where I listed 3 physical traits I dislike and like about myself and 1 personality trait as well. But when watching myself talk about my hardships with some of these physical traits, I felt like I looked insincere. And I decided that I would have to not release it and just film it on another day when I’m ready.
And I think that is it with the Youtube part.
And why it’s taking me awhile after every post to actually post. Content. Again.
When I tell you I have many, lists upon lists of blogpost-I-want-to-write or even blogposts that are ALREADY drafted, I really do have many. Me being me, I always have to re-read, re-write, re-think about what I’ve written, “can it help or inspire someone in some way?” Because that’s the very reason I even started a blog anyway, back in 2011 and back in December of 2017 (the opening of this blog).
I put a lot of thought and emotion into my writings that when I end up having to write something like “life updates”, I feel like I didn’t accomplish my goal. And when I decide to tackle a “big” issue or thought of mine, I immediately worry about how I will write it even before writing it down. I end up not writing it, giving up before I even tried. This is why I have somehow blocked myself from writing so much like I used to.
I want to be honest
In this blogpost, I just want to be honest and accept how I feel about this hobby of mine by writing it down. I truly have so much passion to do both writing and recording videos that there is no way I am stopping any time soon. Really.
And I’ve been shy about it with the people close to me who know but, this time around? I won’t be anymore. Because why should we be shy or embarrassed about sharing what we love? Haha…my mom says that if someone does tease you, they are one of the people who wish to be able to be brave as you are.
What do I mean by brave? Well, depending on who you are it depends. But for me? I would say that December of 2017, the day I opened this blog, was a big life changer for me. In so many ways I’ve become a much better and confident person, a person that young Conchita could ever wish to be.
Why do you do this anyway? Huh, me? Oh, me? Re-read everything I just wrote above, read every blogpost before this, find my blog from 2011, too. You didn’t, right? But my point is…sharing experiences and helping someone in that way has always been something I want to do.
Simple, I do this for me.
Like they say (I don’t know who), so many people out there have wonderful outlooks and experiences in life that could be shared to help someone else. But some don’t share (and for their own reasons which is TOTALLY fine). I want to share. The bad, the good, the happy, the real, and everything in between. Stories are meant to be told if the storyteller will let it be told.
I don’t do this for any kind of gain— money and fame. That really wasn’t my goal.
Recently, friends came over my house in Indonesia and some told me that this or that blogpost of mine was so inspiring. And that made my heart so happy. Even just one person, just one person telling me those words, I know I want to keep on going with my writing and videos. That friends, is the reason I’m doing this.
In the end, I want you to take away the message that you should not stop yourself from sharing what you love. Of course, you shouldn’t let somebody be the one to stop you but most importantly, don’t ever let you be the one to stop yourself. Share what you want to share and share it with no shame or exceptions.
Haven’t actually been doing any photoshoots…it’s been awhile but, because there are so many unreleased pictures from Canada, I’ll be releasing them post by post until I go on another photoshoot spree!